I love my son. he’s the best. but he’s wearing me out. this may sound horrible, but I’m a little tired of the baby phase. maybe it’s because he’s so fussy lately with all his gassiness. we’re trying a different “lactofree” formula, but he doesnt eat nearly as much of the new kind, so he doesnt sleep nearly as long. therefore, we’re all a little more cranky these days.
I’ve heard stories from friends who have had babies that screamed nonstop. thankfully Caleb isnt quite like that, because I honestly dont think we could handle it with Michelle’s health issues and whatnot.
these are the things I feel at 4am, when he’s only eaten a little bit and is screaming with gassiness and tiredness. but around 8am, when he gives me a smile, somehow it’s all a little better. I still worry what all this struggle in his little life might be doing to him as he grows. I cant protect him from all the struggles of this world, but I can hold him and comfort him and love him.
yet I find myself wanting so badly to “raise him right” and make things good for him, as if I can give him such an upbringing that he wont need Jesus. yes, somewhere in my heart, I think I CAN save my son. yikes.
he will be baptised a week from sunday, where we will claim God’s covenant promises to us and to Caleb. if only I could remember His promises to us, even at 4am, even amid the crying and screaming. and now I realize a bit more how much of a little baby I really am, and how perfectly my Daddy loves me.